I started this blogging thing again back in June I think and haven't posted since then. Haha, I have no idea why. Anyways, I'm trying to document my life since being pregnant, which is now over, so I have to backtrack with my mind a little bit and record what I can since halfway through my pregnancy.
So! Finding out we were having a boy was a turning point for me. Mostly because before he was just an "it." He was just a baby, but not even really that yet. There was no identity to him and I had a hard time feeling connected with him in any way. Up to that point he had only been something that was making me physically miserable day in and day out. Once I heard "it's a boy" I immediately felt so much better about everything. Okay so it's a he! I was having a son and now I could prepare for that.
The next few months were us shopping for the baby and getting our place ready. I was also in school through August so that kept us pretty busy, especially with Talon working nights again. Plus I was still not feeling well most of the time. Pregnancy was so hard on me physically. I was nauseated every single day and exhausted and a big stomach isn't the best thing for a bad back. It was rough but it never scared me away from wanting to get pregnant again in the future.
I had two baby showers. One, in my hometown in Sacramento, and the other here in Utah. Both were super special and it was so nice to be buoyed up with support from so many family and friends. Baby and I were totally spoiled with gifts and love and it just made my heart burst.
As my due date drew nearer my anxiety became stronger and the whole "nesting" thing became so real. I had a piece of paper covered with thighs to do before the baby arrived and it seemed like I added to it daily. The thing was I kept putting it all off because I always felt awful and had no energy. But before I knew it there was four weeks until my due date and I hadn't done anything on the list. I kicked it into gear and forced myself to get things done. Most of the list were things that really didn't need to be done but I just felt like they needed to be. So each day Talon and I worked on the list and it was definitely a miracle because we got every single thing done about a week and a half before the baby made his debut. FYI if you didn't already know, crossing things off a to-do list is probably one of the most satisfying things a human being can experience. Not joking.
So I really thought the baby would come early and everyday that passed that he wasn't here made me disappointed. My anxiety was also mounting because I was so scared about giving birth and being a mom. It was so overwhelming. The waiting game for anything is bad enough but waiting to go into labor with your first child is probably at the very top of the list.
The funny thing, I've noticed as I've written this post, is that I've really forgotten how terrible I felt each day during my pregnancy. I remember being sick and exhausted, but I can't remember how it felt. Funny how that works.
Before I knew it, it was October 17th, the day before my due date and Talon and I spent the day walking around stores trying to put myself into labor with no such luck. When we got home that night I was crying to Talon about how scared I was and how I was worried he would never come, etc. All the normal things. But as Talon played me songs on his guitar and we talked I knew somewhere deep inside of me that this was it! That those moments and that night were going to be the last we would share just the two of us.
We went to bed at midnight on October 18th, and two hours later it all started.
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